Thursday, August 26, 2004

Some of your comments have made me frightened to send e-mail, since you tell me it can never really be deleted. Instead, I just left an angry voicemail on an associate's phone. Because there's no danger of anyone ever hearing that.

I'm kidding. Like everyone else I've spoken to, I've recently been forwarded a link to a voicemail message from an associate at one firm to an associate at another, calling him a "monkey scribe," or words to that effect. I don't see what all the commotion is about. Of course young associates are just glorified secretaries. There's work that needs to be done, and I'm certainly not going to do it, so I pass it along to an associate, and if she's senior enough, she's certainly not going to want to do it either, so it gets passed down the line until the junior associate ends up sitting at the printer for 18 hours straight making sure nothing "happens to the document," whatever that even means. "Going to the printer" is a duty left over from pre-Industrial Revolution days, when things really did go wrong, and some man (the printer himself) could misspell a word, or misnumber the pages, or run out of ink. But now it's a waste of everyone's time in the vast, vast, vast majority of cases. Yet still we send an associate, just to be sure. That's what clients are paying for. Just to be sure.

I didn't send an angry e-mail, or an angry voicemail. Instead, I just went to his office and screamed at him. That's the best way to motivate people. In person. With fear and intimidation. How else do you think I got Anonymous Wife to marry me?

"How else do you think I got Anonymous Wife to marry me?" Uhhh, duh... With huge sacks of money, dummy!!!
So many people don't "get it". I think you're hilarious and probably real. Don't stop posting, I love this stuff.
What do you suppose would happen if the other partners found out about this blog?
As my old grandpappy used to say, you're a real hoot, AL! I am always astounded at the asinine comments that some people respond with. Tip of the day: if you are bored or annoyed with what you are reading, watching, or listening to . . . go somewhere else.

AL: with regards to the tranactional/litigation summer associates: are summer or first year associates every 'right' about what they will eventually be good at, or what they imagine they want to do? I favor litigation, one classmate wants IP, another feels destined to draft contracts. After reading your earlier post, I wonder if any of that really matters since we will all be 'watching the printer' for several years anyway.
AL, sounds good, but don't forget to make a memo to the file, either. Then you can bill for your screaming at the associate as "reviewing file" or whatever similar code your wonderful firm uses. You're welcome.
I can't believe you scream at your associates. You are so rude. You're probably not even real. You're probably some dumbass who's running this blog as a totally fictional hiring partner at a large law firm in some major city. Whatever dude.
This is the best law blog on the Net, hands down. I read you every day. One of the law mags should pick you up as an anonymous columnist, like that anonymous guy in Fortune or wherever. But then your secret might get out.

In the meantime, I'm with Anonymous. If you don't like AL, just go somewhere else.
So what's the deal with Brian Leiter? doesn't he kind of, um, suck?
'Hi I'm Brian Leiter and I'm going to create my own law school review because I hate U.S. News and I want UofT @ Austin to look like a Top 10 school rather than a Top 15!!'
UCL, my thoughts exactly ;).

AL you rock, ignore the clowns and keep posting.

Please keep your trap shut. Hope this helps.
AL let's hear the story of your courtship with anonymous wife!!!!
>Please keep your trap shut. Hope this helps.

Another member of the sheeple class who thinks they're going to a top 10 school!
AL: How would you rank the Top 14 schools differently if you were in charge?
Cis, you should heed AL's advice and strive for "singular/plural agreement" in your writing.

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