Tuesday, August 24, 2004

To the associate who keeps taking candy from the bowl on my secretary's desk: I see you. I see you when you walk by my office, trying to look like you have a reason to be there. But you don't. You're just there for the candy. I see the guilty look on your face. I see you come by at lunchtime, when you know she'll be out. You try not to make eye contact. You try to rush past. But I know what you're doing. Everyone knows. Well, she's my secretary, not yours. That candy belongs to me. And if I have any say in whether or not you make partner -- and, trust me, I do -- I'm not going to forget this.

Besides, it's not like you couldn't stand to lose a few pounds.

I also saw you sneak out at 8:00 three times last week. Don't think I don't see you. I see everything.

AL is back to his old self.
What do you think about people you meet during on-campus interviews who tell you that they want to litigate when you damn well that the only reason why they are saying that is because firms are not hiring as many transactional attorneys?
Awesome post,
To take the opposite position:

What do you think about law students that tell you: "I want to be a corporate/securities/M&A lawyers" when you know perfectly well that they have absolutely no idea what any of those areas entails" (lawschool seeming to focus solely on the analysis of appeals cases).
What is your opinion on this discussion from the greedy associate's board:

"I'm looking for a job at a large firm and am getting rejected right and left. I finished Top 15%, did a journal and had a prestigious externship, however I did not get a bigfirm summer job because of horrible interview skills at the time. I worked that summer and still work there doing toxic tort and products liability defense. I interviewed at a few places 3rd year, but didn't get anything. I recently mailed cover letters and resumes to all of the large firms, but quickly received rejection letters. Is it possible to get on with a large firm once I receive my bar results? If not, how long do I need to wait? Also, will doing toxic tort defense bar me from a big firm like insurance defense? . . . ."

One answer to that post was:

"Not to be an as$hole, but there is no such thing as a prestigious externship. So many southwestern grads extern for the Ninth Circuit. You should probably brush up on your interview skills. If you are fat, lose some weight. If you have acne, go to a dermatologist. Top 15% at UCLA is good, but does not guarantee you anything as it is not a top 10 school.
You should be able to land a clerkship though. Those without social skills seem to do well landing clerkships. . . ."
does the secretary pay for the candy or does the firm shell out for it?
LOL, AL. Do you have good rapport with your secretary? If so (you don't want to be too mean to support staff), buy a bag of the nastiest super-sour candy you can find, and put that in the candy dish -- just until ole pucker-puss gets the idea.
My secretary keeps a candy dish on her desk. Most of us who partake either contribute, in the form of huge bags full o candy from time to time, or by making cash contributions (usually anonymously, if you give her the money she'll refuse to accept it). But there are a few takers around here who seem to think that its open season on her candy dish. For example, one attorney who makes at least 3 times what this secretary makes loves Reeses peanut butter cups and whenever these are present in the candy dish, he literally inhales them. A few well-timed barbs got the message across to him, but there remain a few miscreants who need the hint. How is it that attorneys of any level -- even the most junior associates -- or management, for that matter, think that its okay to take and not give? Are they just really cheap? I like to fill one partner's jelly bean box, and I refuse to accept the money he proffers, but I claim later when I'm swearing at him that I bought the right to do so by giving him jelly beans. So far it has worked, although I could swear at him without the jelly beans anyway. (I also make him buy me coffee from Starbucks too, on grounds that my bonus is insufficient.) I always offer to buy my secretary coffee but she declines -- she likes the office coffee.

So, for the associates reading this, put money in the candy dish, give the secretary bags o candy, and offer to buy her coffee.
Big Brother is watching...
You've again reverted to being a petty punk. If this candy is such a big fucking deal, mention it to the person, instead of engaging in passive aggressive plotting and fantasy. I can hardly imagine that $2 worth of candy merits even a moment of your attention.
To the poster at 5:03 and the poster in the top 15%:

Did the previous poster say that he/she went to UCLA? You may have been too generous in assuming a school. Also, he/she mentioned that he/she was on A journal, not Law Review or Main Journal. Anyone can be on A journal, but not every journal counts. If the previous poster did attend a decent school and did indeed finish in the top 15% then he/she must suffer from a severe personality disorder, or may be lacking one entirely. I suspect, based on the quick rejection letters that the poster graduated from a 3rd or 4th tier school and at that point, does it really matter? Why anyone would waste 3 years of their life and $100,000 on a 3rd tier school is beyond me. Graduating in the 15% of one's class from a bottom of the barrel school, still leaves you in the bottom of the barrel. My advice for the poster in question is to go into private practice.

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