Sunday, January 15, 2006

The annual exodus will start tomorrow. We're distributing the annual bonus checks. As soon as the associates get the word from the bank that the money's in their accounts, and we it's too late for us to stop payment on the check, we start getting the letters of resignation.

I have even less respect for the associates who leave at bonus time than for the ones who do it any other time in the year. At least they're courageous enough to make the biggest mistake of their lives on their own terms. As opposed to the cowards who bitch all year about wanting to leave, who make everyone around them more miserable than they need to be, and torture themselves for months, all because they want to steal as much of our money as they can. I have no respect for them. If the reason you're leaving the firm is so uninspiring that the timing can be determined by when we distribute the bonus checks, I hope you lose your health insurance and end up having to spend every last dime of your savings on experimental treatments for whatever coward's disease you get. Chronic fatigue syndrome. How about that one. That's a coward's disease.

I understand if someone's dream job comes along, and they feel like they have to leave the firm. That's fine. It happens. I know this isn't everyone's dream job. But then you do it like a man, and you do it in the middle of the year, instead of dragging it out over five months just so you can wring that bonus check out of our hands. That's dishonest and shameful. It's disgusting.

Everyone who gives notice this week is no better than a soldier who deserts the army right after getting a brand new pair of boots. Or a baseball player who leaves the team for "personal reasons" right the week before the biggest series of the year. Or James Frey, who isn't even brave enough to admit his memoir is a work of fiction.

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