Sunday, April 09, 2006

A reader just e-mailed me an article from the Harvard Crimson, from about two weeks ago. Anonymous Son is showing me how to make a link to the article. The article is here: "Student Arrested Following Flashing"

The article says that a drunk Harvard Law School student was arrested for flashing his genitals to oncoming traffic, and that he told the police officer he was a Harvard Law student, thinking that would make a difference.

Well of course it's going to make a difference, but he should have waited to use the trump card until he got to court. Police officers don't care who he is, but a judge sure will. We distribute a memo to our new associates every fall explaining how to use the name of the firm to their best advantage. Never with police officers, store clerks, or other quasi-homeless people like that. But with politicians, judges, and professors (i.e., "failed associates"), not to mention anyone who works in development for any cultural center, affinity group, or issue-based organization, they can get whatever they need just by dropping the name of the firm into conversation. Museum curators love us. I can cut the line at the Getty Museum, just because they think I'll convince the firm to donate some money. Partners here never pay their parking tickets, because all the judges want to use us as their landing pads once they retire from the bench and need to build a nest egg for their families. There's a tree in Israel named for every partner at the firm, because we made a brief overture about sponsoring some sort of Yom Kippur Walk. We ended up just sending a platter of food instead. It was cheaper, and still let us list the organization in our recruiting brochure. That's all any of our charitable efforts are for. The recruiting brochure.

And right on the cover next year, I'd like to put a picture of this Harvard kid flashing his genitals. That would make us stand out, for sure. We could do some digital enhancement and make the statement that we're the firm with the biggest genitals in the industry. Real men. (And women. A few women. Sometimes.) Willing to do the work it takes to get you the results you want. Real men, with big genitals we're not afraid to show you.

That probably won't get past the internal review committee.

I hope the Harvard kid ends up in jail. I'm sure the other prisoners will be impressed with his educational background. Sadly, although you'd wish he doesn't sound like partner material, he actually sounds a lot like one of the guys in the Structured Finance group. He shows people his genitals. No one ever reports him. They're afraid. Structured Finance is a popular group. No one wants to be blackballed because they snitch on the guy. Blackballed might be a bad choice of words. Sorry. You know what I mean.

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