Wednesday, July 07, 2004

 
I just finished having a terribly depressing conversation with Anonymous Son. He asked his mom and I about what it was like when he was born. She described the trip to the hospital, and the first time she saw his face. And I told him how much I wanted to be there, but I was a young associate then, and needed to be at a client site, closing a deal. I can't believe how important an issue it seemed back then -- "I can't let the client down; I can't make the partners think that work is not number one; I can't show any weakness; I must prove I'll give 100% to the firm." I remember trying to figure a way out, knowing she'd be going into labor any day but knowing the firm was counting on me. But I remember not trying as hard as I should have. Knowing I should have wanted to be at the hospital, but not feeling as conflicted as I absolutely ought have. I took it at face value that this is what lawyers do, this is what we have to do to succeed, these are the sacrifices we have to make. And maybe they are. Maybe if I had told the partner I was working for that I couldn't be there, that my family was more important, maybe I wouldn't be where I am today. Although where am I today? I don't know. Vacations bring out the feelings that don't have time to come out when you work 14-hour days. They're fun that way.

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AL, your family is way more important than a profit-driven law firm. What if it was you laying in the hospital? The firm wouldn't visit you (they would replace you with another gifted-robot), but your loving-family would.
 
There is an upside to the conversation that would be less depressing. I don't know how old Anonymous Son is, but adjusted to the appropriate age, just telling him the truth - what happened then and how you are conflicted about it now is pretty damn valuable. For one, it reassures him how important he is to you -- that's why you have conflicting feelings about it now when you look back. For another, it shows him that it is normal to have hard decisions - and some regrets. He will have similar experiences, no matter what he does. Your conversation now may provide guidance or at least comfort to him when he has choices to make. This vacation may turn out to be a real milestone in your relationship with AS, and to the degree that you openly discuss these things with AW, with her as well. You don't have to resolve the conflicts immediately -- but sharing them puts you closer to your family and may lead to answers down the road. Have a pina colada, hold hands with your wife, and do something fun with your son - let him pick the activity (then grin & bear it even it seems silly).
 
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quit faggin out folks. you know al isn't so stupid as to have not have given the issue any thought before. "al, your family is waaaaaay more important!" stfu. that mean shut up. al is rich. he pays for it in opportunity cost. kids are overrated anyway. my parents worked when i was young -- not for gobs of money -- because we were poor recent immigrants. commenters sympathize w/ a millionaire lawyer (whose blog is very, very funny to this 2L who can't capitalize) fully aware of the costs associated w/ his actions is idiotic. he's not a freaking baby, he has more options than most of you, even if he doesn't feel that way.
 
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