Friday, July 09, 2004

 
Many miles away, I still get the firm gossip. One of the other hiring partners sent me an e-mail saying that at last night's summer associate event he figured out that one of the junior associates is perhaps engaged in some extra-curricular activities with a summer. The catch: one of them's married. And it's not the junior associate. He's not sure if he should say anything -- at least on the order of: "We notice. Be more discreet." I haven't written him back yet; I'm really not sure whether it's our place to do much at all, especially since there's no hard evidence, just this guy's hunch. And they're all adults and are responsible for their own moral failings. As far as we can tell, it hasn't affected the junior associate's work product -- and there's not much work product produced by the summers, so nothing really to affect there. My solution would just be to not give the summer an offer. But that solution will be vetoed.

That brings up an interesting discussion, perhaps: offers. The default, of course, like it is at all of our competitor firms, is that all of the summers get offers. This is a frustrating policy. Oftentimes, despite how much we liked someone during the interview process, they arrive for the summer and we discover either (a) they're incompetent, (b) they're incredibly lazy, or (c) they're terrible people and no one wants to work with them. Perhaps surprisingly, people fall into category (c) much more often than they do (a) or (b). I don't think it's unique to law students, but a lot of people we hire (and it's not unique to our firm) turn out to be jerks. It becomes pretty obvious after any amount of interaction with them. But they do their work. And sometimes jerks make good lawyers. If we could get rid of them after the summer, this would probably be a nicer place. But it would also be a smaller place. So we can't get rid of jerks. Categories (a) and (b) are harder to rationalize as far as giving offers. With (b) we hope it's just the summer. With (a) we hope they fall down a manhole and die. Or fail the bar exam. Which happens. And is a big relief when it does, because it's our only real justification for firing someone, ever.

If it were up to me, we'd give about half our class offers and let the rest go live under a bench in the park. But it's not. And I know that if we did that, no one would come to our summer program. Because all of our competitors would still give everyone an offer, and for risk-averse law students, why come here and take the risk you'll fall short? Of course, if you're confident, you would want to come here, because you'd know you wouldn't have to work with the jerks and the idiots. But it isn't feasible with the way this stuff works. Unfortunately. So instead we have lots of jerks, lots of lazy people, and lots of incompetents. But at least we don't have any fat people.

Comments:
Damn, they all get offers? I want to summer with you guys! I've been working my ass off in the four days I've been working. I guess around here firms have the luxury of picking and choosing because there are quite a few people (and not jerky or incompetent people) who just don't get offers.
 
Fat people are disgusting. The only acceptable fat "people" at a firm are staff.
 
Have you tried it? It's hard to believe that you would have a reduced applicant pool if you became more selective. Couldn't it have an alternative effect -- actually raise your prestige because of your selectivity? Who exactly is in the position to say 'no' to this or that candidate, and why are they so intimidated/fearful of making good choices?
 
You might start to get more of those people who have some
balls, work hard, and want to be judged based on their work instead of so many risk averse types.
 
I'd like to assume that the "fat" comments are intended to be ironic and thus funny, but as I suspect that a lawyer or law student posted it, I'm not so sure. Of all professions in the world, ours should be one that doesn't waste time making such asinine judgments (which require, by the way, the very least amount of thought possible) about people in general, and to throw in once again the apparent inferiority of staff as well is just pathetic. Maybe they couldn't afford or weren't blessed enough with ability to attend law school. Or maybe they're secretly disgusted by the people who would be their peers if they did so (and who can blame them half the time?). But I bet they wouldn't be as quick to make stupid fat jokes because of this infantile need too many of us have to remind ourselves we're somehow better than someone else. Grow the hell up.

P.S. Either you don't know how to use quotation marks or you just implied that being overweight somehow negates a person's humanity. Whichever it is, you've belied the massive intelligence you assume being a lawyer affords you.
 
Oh, God, no -- I was implying that being staff negates a "person's" humanity. I don't think it needs to be said that fatties' have less humanity than the rest of us.

As for my general intelligence, I'm smart enough to figure out that your overwrought response to some stray, annonymous comments about weight on some overworked partner's leisure project belies your own weight problems. Fatty. Fattie-fat-fat-fatty-bo-bladdy-fatty.

(P.S. If you get really, really offended and hurt, then I'm sorry. This blog makes an art form of being overly nasty, snide and class-conscious, in a tongue-in-cheek way. I write things in these comments I would never say, because the blog gives me license to be nasty and snide and I assume that everyone's in on the joke. But if you're not, I'm sorry. God knows, there's enough ill-will in the world as it is.

But, at the same time, I like this blog's tone. Its over-the-top status-consciousness is funny (because it hits very close to home, I think). I don't think it will or should change because someone got their feelings hurt. If you're really, really offended and hurt, you may be reading the wrong blog.)
 
 
>It's hard to believe that you would have a reduced
>applicant pool if you became more selective. Couldn't
>it have an alternative effect -- actually raise your
>prestige because of your selectivity?

I know some of you are law students and, as such, I can forgive your utter lack of reasoning skills, but try to follow along:

1. Law students are risk-averse (assumption)

2. No one wants to finish their summer term without an offer (statistically true)

3. If you finish a summer term without an offer, you are now an untouchable. No other larger, corporate firm will look at you. (statistically true)

4. Assume AnonymousLawyer's firm implements a selective summer student offer process (arguendo)

5. There will always be at least 1 summer whom the firm does not extend an offer (assumption)

6. A non-empty set of summers now end up without a job (implied from (5))

Conclusion: The risk-averse (all) law students will not apply at said firm due to (3) & (6).
 
 
Selectivity only works for a firm when it's at the pre-summer interviewing phase. Even though dinging summers makes a firm more selective, it can only hurt it. Although dinging 20 summers hasn't seemed to hurt Weil in the 2 years since they did it.
There's no need for a 100% rate.
 
Dude, you should fire most of them--anything to keep talented people out of the big law firms.

Just take the kids from second-rate schools like Georgetown and USC; they're the ones who really want the money, and they'll work hard for you for a year or two until they have to leave because they could never, ever make partner.

Don't give offers to the Harvard and Yale grads; make them go into the government--they'll actually be able to do some lawyering early in their careers, and when they come back to your firm as partners, they will thank you!
 
Geez... I thought all fat people were supposed to be jolly? Get a sense of humor, wideass.

As for giving all summers offers, AL, you and your partners are full of shit. You'd still get tons of applicants, and good ones, for your summer program even if you only gave offers to 1/3 of the people. It's the fact that your firm must really be a crap ass place to work that would stop people (good people) from applying.
 
It's now pretty clear that you are not with Paul, Hastings, Janofsky & Walker. After all, (here on the East Coast, anyhow) we shitcan people for a wide variety of reasons, far too few of which are as valid as failing the bar.
 
Hey AL, this is the second interesting idea for a summer program that you've had; the first was making them work only four weeks and paying them for the whole summer. Here's an idea: why not combine the two? Have a four-week summer program that pays $25,000 -- but let your summer associates work at another firm (if they want to) after they finish with you. Then only give offers to the good ones.

That way:

1. You'll get the best students (because they're getting paid so much more, and because they've got insurance against not getting an offer from you).

2. If you don't like them, they can go to the other firm they summer with.

3. If you do like them, your offer pitch can emphasize your selectivity (always attractive to law students) and the fact that you only give offers to people who are good to work with. That's the sort of pitch that would make me come to a firm. You'll lose a couple of them, after paying them $25,000 for four weeks, so that's a bit of a waste.

But overall, I think you'll get a pretty high acceptance rate on your offers, and your summer program won't suffer the way it would if you only gave offers to 1/3 of them without giving them the chance to split with another firm.
 
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