Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I heard two associates talking in the hall this afternoon. One said to the other, "You meet the summer associate with the gap between his teeth? He said he's really interested in real estate. I'm hoping he can take some of my grunt work, let me get out of here by dinnertime a couple nights a week."

I called the associate into my office later in the day and told him he won't be working with the summers this year. Administrative issue, I said. Nothing personal. This isn't what we have summer associates for. They're not to relieve the workload of the associates. They're not to relieve anyone's workload, but if they're going to relieve someone's workload, it should be the partners. But they don't, because they're incompetent. They're here to learn what it's like to be a lawyer at the firm. That means no real assignments, none of the garbage we have our associates do, just made-up stuff they might find interesting and that will keep them engaged enough to take the offer. I can't have associates giving them their grunt work to do. That'll make them realize what they'll be in for and they'll run somewhere else. And why should we be paying summer associates to do the work of associates, who we're already paying? If we didn't have summer associates, the associates would do the work. So they should still do the work. This shouldn't change things. People take advantage of the summer associates, like they're their own personal slaves.

The associates are the slaves, and the slaves aren't allowed to have slaves of their own. Wouldn't make sense. The summer associates belong to the entire firm, for us to manipulate and lie to in order to get them to take the offer. Not to do an associate's grunt work.

I gave the associate more grunt work to do this evening. He's my new go-to for any grunt work I have lying around. It's punitive. People have to pay for the things they say. And for the things they think. I wish we could read minds. Thought police. We already read their e-mails and check which websites they visit. Reading their minds wouldn't be that big a step. Technology. It'll get there eventually, I'm sure of it.

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