Monday, June 26, 2006

The firm launched our online job application this morning. Like I need more resumes to read. It's pretty ridiculous. They didn't say anything on the firm's web site yet, but there's a section where you can fill in 200 words or less about why you should be hired, and the funniest 10 we receive by Friday are going to get free Anonymous Lawyer t-shirts and an advance copy of the book. That's a secret, so tell everyone you know and help spread the word.

We fired a summer associate on Friday night, on our July 4th boat cruise. I know it's early for a July 4th boat cruise, but a few of our competitor firms booked the cruise before we did, and there weren't any boats left for the night of the 4th, or for this coming weekend, and we'd promisedin the recruiting literature a July 4th boat cruise. So we had to do something and this seemed like the best solution. We had an open bar, and after everyone was drunk enough to forget it wasn't July 4th yet, we let the summer associates set off some fireworks. We had a set custom made with the logo of the firm. They explode in our signature cornflower blue, and if you really concentrate you can see the shape of the logo and a silhouette of our founder, filling the night sky with light.

But one summer associate started getting belligerent and insulting some of the partners. He accused one of our corporate guys of doing pro bono work, which really made him mad. And he kept going. He called the tax guy a wannabe public defender, he said he saw one of the real estate partners helping immigrants get asylum, and he pointed at a trusts and estates partner and yelled "Advocate for the Poor!" They all put down their drinks and started to rush at him. I had to hold back the trusts and estates woman. She was really steamed.

And then he took off his clothes and jumped into the ocean. So of course we had to fire him.

We had a few summer associates ask to get out of the replacement July 4th event, which is a lecture about real estate law developments, with a red, white, and blue cake at the end. (When the boat cruise fell through, we had to get creative.) A few summers said they have plans that night with friends or family, and wish they didn't have to stay late listening to someone talk about real estate law. I suppose I understand, but I figured at least I needed to set up a few hoops for them to jump through before they could get out of it. I had the recruiting coordinator go to Target and pick up some hoops, and I set them up around the halls. Any summer who wants out of the event needs to complete the entire obstacle course in 3 minutes or less, and then he or she can be excused. But they need to jump through the hoops.

I don't even want to start thinking about what we're going to do when they start asking about not coming into work on the 3rd. For the full-time associates, of course they'll all be here. But the summers, it's tough. We want them to like it here. But we don't want to get silly about it. Missing a day of work? That's pretty silly. Maybe we'll bribe them with a t-shirt.

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