Anonymous Lawyer

One of my associates came into the office today wearing a Brooks Brothers suit. People think Brooks Brothers is a good place to buy a suit, but they're wrong. The suits are cut to hide the fatness of fat people. I don't want fat associates. They eat too much at the free lunches, and the partners end up bearing the cost at the end of the year when our profit pool is lower.

Last time I bought suits I found an associate who was about my height and made him get a personal trainer and work out for a few weeks so he'd be the same size as me, and then I sent him to Italy to get fitted. I don't have time to fly to Italy for the suits I want. I was annoyed the associate ate the meal on the plane, gained a pound, and so the fit wasn't exactly right. It was close, but I still had to waste an hour dealing with a tailor. It's hard to get good help. I think the tailor was a former associate at the firm who quit because the job was too stressful. I made his experience tailoring my suit pretty stressful, just to show him he can never really escape.

The associate whose kid is breaking in Anonymous Son's new baseball glove should be bringing the glove in tomorrow. I promised my son we'd play catch this weekend for two tenths of an hour. I've carved out the time. It'll be a lot of fun.