Anonymous Lawyer

It's the home stretch for our incoming first-year associates currently studying for the Bar Exam. Less than two weeks. I thought I'd send them a motivating e-mail from the firm, just to make sure they're staying focused. "Hope the Bar Exam studying is going well. We're all rooting for you back at the firm. Especially after what's happened with the last few people who failed. But I'll tell you those stories after the exam's over. Don't worry about it. If you're the kind of person we assumed you were when we hired you, you'll do just fine. Best wishes. Be on the lookout for our study break gift baskets."

The study break gift baskets were my idea. Make them think it's all still going to be like the summer once they start for real. Free gifts, friendly smiles, home before midnight. What I wish we could send them in the gift basket is some research assignments they could get started on before they get here in the fall. A stack of documents, some lease agreements. Instead we send them a Starbucks Gift Card and some gourmet brownies. We have an associate in the incoming class who's allergic to wheat. I sent her the brownie tin, empty, and with a note inside. "We remembered you're allergic to brownies, so we didn't send you any. Hope you're not allergic to work!"

(Also, a paralegal died at the firm, and we got new paper clips. Our website has a story about it.)