Thursday, January 04, 2007

I overheard someone in the office talking about Harriet Miers resigning from her job as White House Counsel. What a quitter. She's like the associates here who leave after six years just because they want to start families or finally have time to go to the bathroom. You'll have time to go to the bathroom after you retire. For now, be a man and hold it in. They make products that can help you deal with it. We don't need people wasting valuable time on the toilet when they don't have to. Medical science. It's helped the firm a lot. Calorie restrictive diets not only help people live longer but also minimize meal breaks. Caffeine helps reduce the need for sleep. Imodium can prevent the necessity of trips to the bathroom. People who insist on breaks are weak and deserve the same fate as Ms. Miers. They should be nominated to the Supreme Court and forced to withdraw in disgrace. The quotes I've seen about Ms. Miers's service have been pathetic. Six years, it's a hard job, stop whining. Six years is nothing. I haven't even seen my brother in six years. And lots of jobs are hard. If Harriet Miers ever sent me a resume, I would shred it, then make an associate gather all the shreddings and tape them back together, then shred it again, and then have another associate gather those shreddings and tape them back together, and then have a third associate shred the first two associates and hide their bodies. That's what I think of Harriet Miers. I sent my resume in to the White House Recruitment Office in case they're still considering replacements.

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