Anonymous Lawyer

There's a rat in the office. Well, there's two. There's the ingrate female associate down the hall who keeps filing sexual harassment complaints when the older tax partners innocently look down her blouse and show her their genitals. But there's also an actual rat running through the halls, gray and furry like my secretary. I hate when we see pests in the office (again, more pests than usual, since there are tons of pests in the office every day, asking for their salary checks on time and clearer instructions on their assignments and bathroom breaks). We called the exterminator, but his schedule was booked until this evening, so we're still waiting. I've stationed an associate outside my office to catch the rat if he tries to come in. The associate's getting bored, but like I told him, it's better than document review and if he doesn't do it he's getting sent to the Bangkok office. So he's diligently doing his job. We had a rat in the house once. I think it was there looking to mate with its close relative, my wife. It showed up right when her parents did one Christmas, which I don't think was a mere coincidence.

I'm picking up Anonymous Son from school today and we're going to drive up the coast, play some catch on the beach, grab some dinner, and have some father-son bonding time. My daughter's resigned to the fact that he's my favorite, which shows some smarts on her part, because he is. She can play Home Shopping Network with her mother, or whatever it is my wife does to amuse herself all day.

So I'm heading out of the office in just a bit, but the associate guarding me from the rat is sticking around for a while. I think the rat might be able to squeeze under the closed door, so I need him stationed there all weekend until I get back. I've given him a plate of cheese he can share with the rat in case he gets hungry.

Have a good weekend, and on Monday I'll share some details about the case I'm currently working on.