Anonymous Lawyer

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Our new crop of summers started yesterday. I added a couple of recent movie clips to my orientation speech. Thank You For Smoking, to show it's okay to defend people who, at first glance, seem to be doing bad things. Bridge to Terabithia, to show the summer associates that sometimes even when life seems dreadful, you can always invent a fantasy world where you get to go home sometimes and see your family. Borat, to illustrate what we have to go through whenever we deal with attorneys overseas. Friends With Money, to remind the summer associates they'll be rich if they stay here. And, finally, Lady in the Water, to put them to sleep.

I just got back from the paintball event. Partners versus summers. I thought it was a good way to start off the season. Let us shoot them before we even really know them. This way they're still all nameless, faceless enemies and we could really get into it without feeling too much sympathy. The partners won, obviously. The summers were too scared to shoot. Who'd shoot a hiring partner on his second day? Only one of the summers had the nerve. And he won't be getting an offer. Ruined my suit. (We made everyone wear business attire just to make it more fun.)

# posted by Anonymous @ 10:21 PM

Comments:

You sick, twisted freak.

# posted by

Anonymous : 4:33 AM

Next time- invite them to a mandatory pool party with swim races (to weed out the weak). Full work clothes mandatory!!

# posted by

karenv : 8:16 AM

Someone at my firm suggested we do a reality show-style summer, where one summer associate gets voted out of the firm each week.

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:04 PM

You'd get twice the bang for your buck with Pan's Labyrinth: you can escape your family and go to a fantasy world (and become a princess if that's your thing), but if you fail in any task, you will be tortured and brutally murdered. Keep them on their toes.
My firm is kicking around the idea of a survival weekend. We're going to drop the summers off in the middle of the mountains, those who make it back get offers.

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:53 PM

and finish with Goodfellas? For soooo many reasons.

# posted by

Anonymous : 4:12 PM

I finished your book last night and left it in my managing partner's in box this a.m. Great training for partners ! Should be mandatory reading.

# posted by

bkatty : 9:38 AM

is this post a joke? (i'm embarassed to say that i can't tell)

# posted by

Golden Gate Mama : 7:06 PM

These posts are even more hilarious now that I--alas--am actually a summer associate.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:27 PM

Actually, if I were the hiring partner, I'd give a job on the spot to the guy who has balls enough to splat a senior partner. It means that down the line the guy will be a ruthless bastard who will de-masculate any opposing counsel the firm has to deal with in court.

# posted by

Monkey Business : 1:57 AM

Why draw the line at paintball?

Why not tasers for partners, water balloons for interns?

# posted by

Wave Maker : 4:30 AM

.............are u trying to make what's happenin in the reality even worse by giving all these suggestions (some of them I believe to be exaggerated) to the partners who are already devil-like?

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:46 PM

Joshua... You suck.

# posted by

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# posted by

Unknown : 4:24 AM