Thursday, May 31, 2007

 
We lost another associate today. Apparently he's annoyed that I ran him over with my car last month. I was late to a deposition. He was in my way. I had to get out of the parking garage as quickly as I could. It's not that I didn't see him. I just didn't think the firm needed him as much as it needed me to be at that deposition, and even if he'd be on medical leave for a few weeks, he wasn't getting much done anyway and me being there a few minutes earlier was going to end up being much more beneficial to the firm. I did what they taught me to do in my law and economics class too many years ago. I did a cost-benefit analysis, a quick calculation, spur of the moment, in my head, and decided it made sense to hit the gas instead of the brake and deal with the consequences later.

And it turned out the consequences were even better because he's leaving. He wasn't even good enough to hear from headhunters, apparently he did it all himself, found some website that tries to place lawyers in new jobs. I hate the Internet. It's made it all too easy. If this guy is unhappy, he should have had to do what we had to do years ago: walk the streets, knock on doors, and hustle. You wanted a new job before the Internet, you had to do some real work. It wasn't as easy as looking at some job listings and clicking a few buttons and sending your resume. You had to sneak around, put in some real effort.

Now, for the subset of people good enough to be who everyone wants, graduates from top schools, employees at top firms, escaping is just too easy. We coddle them. Sites like this one coddle these people. They have a database of jobs that aren't even just sweatshop jobs like the ones here. They have in-house jobs, hedge fund jobs, all sorts of things most lawyers here would kill for, but just don't know how to find. We benefit when they don't know how to find these jobs. We benefit when it's too hard for them to leave. They're stuck here, as our indentured servants, forever. Or at least until they don't make partner and have to leave out of embarrassment. But if they're shown a light at the end of the tunnel, if they're shown that there are other things out there, if they're shown that they don't really have to be here, and that changing jobs doesn't have to be some huge upheaval involving months of financial insecurity, then we're screwed. And I worry about our future.

On the other hand, it gives unhappy lawyers no right to complain. You don't like your job? Go away. Go click on Lateral Link or wherever and look at the job listings. Get tempted. Sign up, shoot a resume out, leave us. You can't hack it here, we don't want you. You're not man (or woman) enough to stick it out until you have a heart attack at your desk, we don't want you. Take the easy way out. I'll find you. I'll run you over. I have liability insurance, that's what it's for.

Comments:
What a punk ass bitch. You should have backed up and hit him again. There is no place in the profession for pansies like him.
 
Do I hear an Amen?
 
Say it again, brother!
 
Anonymous Lawyer, you may think you're a tough guy, but here in Fayetteville, NC, we eat weasles like you for breakfast appetizers. Your associate sounds like the kind of wimp we use for target practice during lunch. We shoot them with paperclips shot from rubber bands. The first one to cry gets fired. It's a blast.
 
People in Fayetteville eat weasels for breakfast?
 
This blog is losing its magic and the comments are kind of antagonizing...in an unfunny kinda way. Has this become jerkyville?
 
No question the site is losing its magic. The grudging twice-a-month posting schedule of late implies a certain attitude shift (i.e., "I've published my book and now all you suckers can eat dirt . . . hahahah"). But this new introduction of a product placement strategy ("Here, let me casually drop in a link to a legal headhunter in the hope you're too much of an idiot to realize that you're being targeed as a desirable demographic.") is more disturbing.

Hey Blachman (not "Mr. Anonymous"), how much are you getting for whoring your formerly-humorous humor to LateralLink.com? Just curious.
 
Hi! came across a large friendship community and thought to pass it on. You want to join the community you should pass the E-qool test. Follow the link below and join. http://www.bigadda.com/Boss/quiz.php?type=web&uid=2041
 
YOU MASSIVE SELLOUT!
 
Maybe if Anonymous Lawyer could go on an adventure or something it would pep it up a bit. I'd love to read that. Don't let them get you down Jeremy. Anonymity gives people courage to be cruel.
 
Of course, you realize that something very much like this happened at Covington & Burling in DC about 8 years ago. One of the main partners, a real jerk of a guy, was peeling out of the underground parking garage -- and ran into one of the attendants. Instead of stopping -- he was late for an appointment -- he dropped his business card out the window as he drove away!
 
You want to see callous and tough? Forget you punk-ass "big city" lawyers, check out the local high schools out west and watch the future managing partners punch up after class. And not ONE broken nail - just black eyes, concussions etc . . . they take "big city values" to a level you twits could never touch! Love and hugs, Mom
 
hahaha I found this blog funny as hell. I just on the cusp of entering law school, I am going to be a 1L as of 13th August, and I can only aspire to be able to burn people as bad as you can, someday. haha, but first, I better get some liability insurance!
 
Wow, I must say. This blog just made my day. Haha, keep doing what you do Anonymous Lawyer.
 
Your writing is fantastic...I think making a movie out of your book would be amazing or perhaps a TV show. Better yet, you could write another book!
 
sounds like shanmeless product placement to me
 
i'm in trouble at work. has anyone ever heard of a "whistle blower" law?
what i did was call attention to problems at work to people outside of my specific unit, but not outside the whole corporation. i think i pissed a lot of people off. so they called me into an office, yelled at me, put me down, called me everything but stupid, threatened me with termination but instead put me on probation. they are making my work hellish. i can't stand it anymore. all my co-workers said they would stand beside me and support me for standing up for our rights, now everyone is cowering away, staying quiet, letting me take the whole blame.
the help i need is because i want to leave that job, but because i took on a sign-on bonus and signed a contract for 3 years, if i leave before that, i owe them that whole amount in 30 days. no payment plan available. i have $30 in my bank account. I’ve been there 1.5 years, so half my time is done. But I don’t get credit for half my time, they’re going to want all the money in 30 days. I already talked to someone who had left before, and they went after him with collection agencies. I need to know my legal options.
The management is mad basically because I called huge attention to a mess that was just sitting there and now it’s needs taken care of, and they are embarrassed it got this bad. So now they are saything that I exaggerated, my facts aren’t true (they are ) and that my co-workers say that no one ever encouraged me or told me to do this. They are making it seem I’m this horrible trouble maker, and my letter isn’t even true, but it is!
is there any way i can leave and get out of paying this money? with everything totaled, it would add up to $15,000. that seems impossible to me. I would settle for a payment plan if I could afford it. my credit sucks so if i take a bank loan... can i even get that much? i don’t own a house or anything of value. i'm 24, this is my first serious job out of school.
i also was planning on getting married, now.... if i'm going into this much debt...... it will never happen. i feel overwhelmed. this is career devastating. It’s ruining my life.
the management people called me a trouble maker, inappropriate use of communication (because i emailed and didn't make an appointment with my boss) and put me on probation, said they were ashamed of me. They said this goes in my permanent file and my file is bad now for all of my career. my co-workers are all snickering behind my back because i did their dirty work and i went down for it.
ANYONE HAVE ANY LAWYER EXPERIENCE OR KNOW ANYONE OR HAVE ANY IDEAS? anyone in law school out there? Anyone know anything about the legal system.
i'm hoping to make them sweat enough to want to let me go without making me pay the loan back, so i'm gone and we're both happy. Any help is appreciated, if you don’t have any advice, pass it one so maybe it will get to someone who can help.
Thanks.
 
i'm in trouble at work. has anyone ever heard of a "whistle blower" law?
what i did was call attention to problems at work to people outside of my specific unit, but not outside the whole corporation. i think i pissed a lot of people off. so they called me into an office, yelled at me, put me down, called me everything but stupid, threatened me with termination but instead put me on probation. they are making my work hellish. i can't stand it anymore. all my co-workers said they would stand beside me and support me for standing up for our rights, now everyone is cowering away, staying quiet, letting me take the whole blame.
the help i need is because i want to leave that job, but because i took on a sign-on bonus and signed a contract for 3 years, if i leave before that, i owe them that whole amount in 30 days. no payment plan available. i have $30 in my bank account. I’ve been there 1.5 years, so half my time is done. But I don’t get credit for half my time, they’re going to want all the money in 30 days. I already talked to someone who had left before, and they went after him with collection agencies. I need to know my legal options.
The management is mad basically because I called huge attention to a mess that was just sitting there and now it’s needs taken care of, and they are embarrassed it got this bad. So now they are saything that I exaggerated, my facts aren’t true (they are ) and that my co-workers say that no one ever encouraged me or told me to do this. They are making it seem I’m this horrible trouble maker, and my letter isn’t even true, but it is!
is there any way i can leave and get out of paying this money? with everything totaled, it would add up to $15,000. that seems impossible to me. I would settle for a payment plan if I could afford it. my credit sucks so if i take a bank loan... can i even get that much? i don’t own a house or anything of value. i'm 24, this is my first serious job out of school.
i also was planning on getting married, now.... if i'm going into this much debt...... it will never happen. i feel overwhelmed. this is career devastating. It’s ruining my life.
the management people called me a trouble maker, inappropriate use of communication (because i emailed and didn't make an appointment with my boss) and put me on probation, said they were ashamed of me. They said this goes in my permanent file and my file is bad now for all of my career. my co-workers are all snickering behind my back because i did their dirty work and i went down for it.
ANYONE HAVE ANY LAWYER EXPERIENCE OR KNOW ANYONE OR HAVE ANY IDEAS? anyone in law school out there? Anyone know anything about the legal system.
i'm hoping to make them sweat enough to want to let me go without making me pay the loan back, so i'm gone and we're both happy. Any help is appreciated, if you don’t have any advice, pass it one so maybe it will get to someone who can help.
Thanks.
 
^^ nice blog!! ^@^

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