Friday, February 01, 2008

I've missed you.

But my absence was unavoidable. Part of the settlement.

The head of the firm discovered the blog -- more specifically, an associate, who obviously didn't have nearly enough work to do or he wouldn't have had time to be dicking around on the Internet, thought he could get some brownie points by passing it along -- and got the partnership to force me out because of it.

We negotiated a buyout, and I agreed to stop blogging for sixty days.

Today is my first day at a new firm, less prestigious than my old one, with stupider associates who come from less highly-ranked schools and who scored significantly lower on the LSAT.

Even the paralegals smell worse here.

I'm grateful to them for giving me the opportunity to start fresh, but, really, what's the point? I suppose this is how John Kerry must feel, or Joe Biden, or Bob Dole, or anyone else who's been on one track and suddenly finds himself having lost a battle and sees nothing ahead but more of the same. I'm sure Senate life is one thing when you feel like you can be President one day, but quite another when you know that chance has passed you by.

I don't mean to compare myself to a senator. My work has touched the lives of far more people, and usually in significantly more devastating ways. But I think my point holds true. There's a stretch of any intelligent person's career when you're striving for something. You have to be, or you couldn't possibly bring yourself to go to work every morning. The ambition has to be there, it has to drive you forward, or else I don't know how anything could ever get done. My biggest triumphs have been driven by ambition. The briefs I stayed up all night to write, as an associate. The clients I spent weeks wooing, as a partner. The underlings I pushed to give me their best, regardless of the consequences.

You can't create fear in others without having that driving force inside of you. If you're just doing it for the paycheck, you can't ever quite summon yourself to care enough to torture people below you. The mistreatment has always come from something greater than the looks on their faces when they find out they have to cancel a vacation. It's always been motivated by something more than just wanting to see them suffer. It's about making a name for yourself. Getting to the top. Proving to yourself and to the world that you matter. That you're not just another lawyer. Or another suburban mom or dad, regardless of profession, with a job and a nice house and a stagnant life.

So many people just go to work, come home, withhold love from their spouses and kids, and then do it all over again the next day. An "exciting weekend" involves a trip to the mall, or burying your wife up to her neck in sand at the beach, or telling the nanny she can go to the doctor and you'll babysit your kids for a couple of hours. And then maybe a vacation every five or six years to really spice things up. But that's never the life I wanted. I wanted more than that. I wanted power. Not necessarily the power to control others, although that's always fun, but the power to control my own destiny. To know that I was special. To know that I was different. To know that there was nothing I couldn't achieve.

And for a while, my life was just as I planned. There WAS nothing I couldn't achieve. Partnership. A seat on the executive board. Speaking slots at top legal conferences. Students begging me for interviews. I had it all planned out: run the firm by age 50, then turn my head toward politics, spend a few years as Attorney General, and then take a consulting job in the private sector so I could turn my three houses into twelve.

But all it takes is one fall from grace for the vision to change completely. I've always said, to my kids and to anyone who'll listen, that the key to happiness is fooling yourself into thinking that what you do matters. But once you go from the top of a prestigious law firm, with a view of the ocean and an entire team of recent immigrant custodial workers who think it's perfectly normal for the men in suits to throw food at them and laugh, to a place like this, with a view of a warehouse out my window, three partners to a secretary, and a vending machine instead of a cafeteria... well, the illusion is over. I'm nobody. I'm just one of a million people exactly like me, doing the same work, for the same Fortune 1000 companies, and earning the same seven-figure salary. I'm not that special.

And it hurts. It hurts to know that it's probably all downhill from here. I can't recreate the glory, I can't repeat the miracle that was my previous existence. I lucked into my life -- it wasn't all luck, of course, but I'd be a fool not to admit that luck played a part in about 4% of it -- and the odds of hitting the jackpot twice... well, it's not going to happen. I've reached my peak, and that hunger is gone. Partly satisfied by my former heights, but partly just beaten into submission.

So now what? Do I fake the rage and the passion to hurl office supplies at associates? Do I pretend to be someone I'm not, just to keep up appearances? Or do I settle into this life, show up late and leave early, act distant but cordial to my colleagues, and do mediocre work that will let me stay here for the foreseeable future but leave me unfulfilled and empty inside? Or do I use all of this as a challenge? As a challenge to be even better than before, despite the almost-certain lack of positive outcomes that will result. As a challenge to make those under me work for their future in a way I never really had to work for mine. As a challenge to find power where none really exists, and exert this imaginary power over anyone foolish enough to believe it's there. As a challenge to be a better man than ever before, as measured by the amount of tears other will shed in my presence.

I don't know. I don't know if I still have it in me to look quite as critically on those around me and make them feel so bad about themselves. I suppose I will have to see how it goes.

Hmm. A lawyer that uses a non word "stupider". Maybe those associates were smarter than you.
slightly disappointing...
Hmmmmm... you are losing your touch. Didn't you have secrets about your former partners, which you could spill, if they ousted you. Or perhaps your sinster secrets were darker than theirs. Bet this snoopy guy is now dreaming of becoming a partner. But, boy oh boy, have your former partners opened a pandora's box. Now nothing is safe and I mean nothing....
Maybe the new job will give you time to respond to those who post here.
go out there and get what you wanted. else you'd have wasted half of your lifetime for nothing. surely you can't give up just now.
Holy crap - the AL has gone emo. I guess he's trying to reinvent himself. Maybe Star Jones is available to write some guest posts...or maybe Dr. Phil. The soccer Moms are gonna' just love this new (moldy stinking dead) blog.
Well, let's give AL a chance to 'reinvent' himself, huh? =] This isn't an American sitcom where nothing changes, y'know.

Looking forward to your other posts.
-sigh- I'm sorry to hear about this. If your word from the past is to be believed, though, there's still a possibility that you'll be able to pick yourself up and kick ass all the way back to the top again.

Maybe it's foolish to hope, now, but it can't be worse than to despair, right? Best of luck where you are, and I hope to hear from you soon.
Go get them, Tiger!

Vengeance is as good a driving force as any!
Well, I guess this site finally jumped the shark. It was fun while it lasted, at least you got a book deal out of it.
i'm deleting documents and shredding files as i post. always, anonymous legal assistant

p.s. any openings?
Maybe there is a way to work this mediocre law firm up to the top.

Anyway, I think I know this feeling what you're talking about. I was 29 when I decided to change career and start studying law. Now I'm 30 and it is sad to see future career prospects, starting as a legal assistant for 1/3 of the salary I used to earn. Well, maybe this will take me somewhere, sometime. As well as you! Good luck.
can't help, but to say that this is a challenge. uve done well b4, should do it even better now. what u need is just a morale boost, and the u that can do what it takes to achieve what u want & accomplish it with flying-colours. all the best!
Love ur blog, a good past time reading that cheers me up at night :)
With an attitude towards others like the one you have, you deserve what you've received.
A great post. How about this: quit the law.

I took the (I thought) courageous step of not becoming a lawyer after finishing my law degree and setting up my own business.

Every lawyer I have since spoken to (and I know a lot - my father is a senior partner) looks at me with a mixture of contempt and loosely veiled envy.

Bin it as a career choice. They're all striving themselves to death, or urging those below them to do the same.
I know lawyers to whom this has happened.
@first comment
read a bloody dictionary
I love you and I've read this blog for years. Its hilarious - they think you're a real lawyer.

Blog ON
Good God man! Let me know when the pity party is over. Done yet?

You may be a second tier firm (or third tier), but by god you can make it into a first tier. There is no greater joy than beating your former employers in Court.
looks like there's a new book coming out ...
Law Student seeking summer employment - check out
and here I thought you were busted for a DUI and had done what everyone else does: go to rehab.
hurry up and blog more! stop slacking!!
Oh, Anonymous Lawyer....if this is truly the end, I'm going to miss you and your blogs so terribly...

<33 Best of luck out there...
If that was just an excuse for missing 60 days of blogging, that was a gross manipulation of my emotions and you need to go here and learn how to apologize:

If not, that really sucks.
Don't care as long as you continue to write. You're bigger than you think.
Just admit it, you've been lacking material for a year already. Shut it down and move on to something else.
Professional ambition will take you so far.
You need to find something other then work to inspire you in your life.
Toronto Lawyer
Your kidding me right? Give this lame-O a crate of Kleenex. Making a seven figure salary and wallowing in who is me reflection and self pity. Hey here's an idea,...try working in those office buildings with the immigrant labor force, or taring a roof in July, or laying a road in August, or going down in any kind of working mine any time at all, and then lets see if you still care to whine about your career being off track.
blogs and lawyers are oxymorons because most lawyer fear technology like kids fear clowns
Looks like its time to /wrists. Hasta la vista, baby.
Looks like we are going to have to wait another 5 months for a post.
What kind of noun is 'settlement?' Person, place, thing, or idea?
Won't it be easier to climb the ladder at a firm where everyone is stupider than you? I was in my job for less than a year before my fat raise and promotion came into play. It's so easy when there's no competition.
if you are so smart you wouldn't have been fired!
Stop judging others so harshly, and look at yourself.
Dear Mr. Anonymous Partner - you're my hero.
We flip pens up. Not at.
It was a good run for a long time. I enjoyed it and I thank you. All signs show that this blog is a wrap. Everyone, it's been real.
You're the reason that I like the immigrants. They work their asses off for minimum wage and will never obtain an attitude like yours. They actually appreciate what they have.
Speaking about being fired (or settled out) from a prestigious, partner-level, seven figure position, it just shows that nothing is ever permanent or stable, and even when you achieve power, you still have to work on maintaining it. I will share a poem with you, which I recently composed for a college assignement. It is really about love, but can be applied to the concept of Power, too.

Love Burning (Power Burning)
-be Z.A.

sweet temptation
dulcet attraction,
blanketing in softness
of heat, passion, desire
sparking a Fire
You consume

absolute burning
conquering in utter intensity
drafting, blinding
leaping, dancing, playing
embracing passionately
You consume

silhouette of delusion
Dwindled, naked, charred
Were You merely a figment?
dazzling, enticing alluring
bittersweet vulpecular
You consume

(no portion of this poem may be copied or reproduced without my permission. I retain all copyrights thereto).

The pride and power you will feel when you've restored your powerful name and become famous at your new firm, will be a greater source of satisfaction to you than your initial rise was. Just keep in mind this time that a good relationship with your colleagues and staff is essential to preserve that power.

I am very glad you are back blogging, as I've always enjoyed your blog. I hope that this time you are here to stay!
It is now clear that this blog isn't written by a lawyer. Lawyers don't care about LSAT scores or US News rankings.
I think it's hilarious that some people on here think this guy is actually a lawyer.

Realize this is just someone who knows the industry, chose another career path, but also pokes fun at the comedy which is life in a law firm.

Lighten up, people. Find your sense of humor, and embrace it.
Just how do LSAT scores matter to a judge? A judge doesn't care which law school you attended, what your LSAT scores were or what your professional fee is.

All a judge is interested in is the quality of the submissions you make to the Court.

It is indeed clear that the blogger is not a lawyer. It is increasingly clear that his initial fame/success has gotten to his head and his research is pathetic.
Maybe now is the time to start your own firm?

Been perusing your archives and it has provided me with enough insight that being a lawyer is not in my future plans. Too many people have told me not to choose a career because of salary, choose something you love so much you would do it for free.

Your blog is on my g.reader so, keep posting.
It's pathetic that you use this as an excuse for your absence. You are out of ideas man, you should have closed this blog when you were at the top and retire as a winner instead of letting it go down the hill and become lame and pathetic.

It's now clear to me that when you got that book deal you became greedy and stopped caring about the blog.
This last post has hit the nail right on the head.
Keep charging forward. Write more!
Cool. It's really cool.
About the poem . . . no portion of any of that poem will be copied by anyone, probably.

Don't worry.
Cool.Good post.I like this blog.
Maybe AL would be a better Anonymous Law Professor now.
Whatever you do, thanks for the laughs anyhow.
Maybe AL would be a better Anonymous Law Professor now.
Whatever you do, thanks for the laughs anyhow.
If you'd like to really matter and make a change in this world, you could pay for my legal education (I'm graduating in may from a fourth tier law school with 80k to worry about). I promise I will never practice law if you do, just think of the difference you will make.
Try as I may, I can't bring myself to feel sorry for an employed lawyer. Sorry...
Start you Own firm.....stop settleing...visualise it, then go for it! I'm sorry for your loss, but whinning about what you Don't have won't get you where you want to be!! You're no stranger to hard can do it again, only This time, don't give away your power...own it!! Get going!
lol @ the fact that 80% of the commenters don't realize this is a satirical blog.
You're great; you highlight a bullying, patronising culture which is endemic in the workplace. Maggie T and Tony B - they started out as lawyers, didn't they? Why don't you follow their lead? I had hoped to be moneyed and at the top of my field but to not have a snout, whiskers and a tail by the time I'm 50, and thanks to you I realise I can see whiskers - fine ones on my top lip, mind you - whenever I look into the mirror nowadays. Damn, I'm in my twenties, and I love practising the law and am brilliant at it, but I must say my views are somewhat spoiled by having to look at the likes of wankers like you everyday. Good riddance, HA!
I enjoyed this content, and the feedback from others is interesting.
you mention that Joe Biden was in a dead end senate job in February 2008... Not so nowadays!!...

"I'm grateful to them for giving me the opportunity to start fresh, but, really, what's the point? I suppose this is how John Kerry must feel, or Joe Biden, or Bob Dole, or anyone else who's been on one track and suddenly finds himself having lost a battle and sees nothing ahead but more of the same. I'm sure Senate life is one thing when you feel like you can be President one day, but quite another when you know that chance has passed you by."
Keep your head up, and you'll find your way back to YOUR top. Sometimes it takes a fall from glory to realize what's important in life and what it means to really succeed.
Seems either I'm missing the joke or you are in a deep depression. Get help.

"Today is my first day at a new firm, less prestigious than my old one, with stupider associates who come from less highly-ranked schools and who scored significantly lower on the LSAT.

Even the paralegals smell worse here."

Let's analyze this as either a cry for help or the fact that you are truly one ungrateful SOB. I have more feeling for the unknowns than I could ever have for you.
a bed lies, unmade, with spikes coming up from it, and
a note, a laundry list is taped to one of the deadly
prongs: "Gertrude, por favor retrievez vous der Panda
lubricant? nunu, Alfonso"
The bottom line is that you must take the high road in these situations. Avoid listening to the negative comments, they will only bring you down further.
My work has touched the lives of (far more) people, huh? Apparently so has your attitude...
That is hilarious, obviously you don't care if you get caught again after comments like:

"Today is my first day at a new firm, less prestigious than my old one, with stupider associates who come from less highly-ranked schools and who scored significantly lower on the LSAT.

Even the paralegals smell worse here."

At least you honest :)
^^ nice blog!! ^@^

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A gestação é um período muito grande para a mulher na chegada do primeiro filho ou de mais um filho é muito bonita,durante os nove meses tudo é armazenado com muito cuidado e carinho, e uma das coisas mais boas de fazer é o enxoval do bebe.

Antes de começar a fazer o enxoval do bebe é importante procurar saber qual é o sexo do bebe, para saber o que vai escolher para as roupas do bebe, são muitas as variedades, como macacão manga longa, macacão manga curta, conjunto pagão, saída de maternidade, vestido, mijãozinho, toalha para banho com capuz, babador, fraldas de pano, macacão para banho de sol, toalha fralda, luvinha para bebe, sapatinho de bebe, bolsa para bebe, casaquinho, cobertor de algodão, entre tantas outras coisas.

Precisando de bolsa para bebe? Está no lugar certo! (11) 3435-8724

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A nossa loja online cegonha encantada trabalha para proporcionar momentos de satisfação para a futura mamãe, temos tudo para o enxoval do bebe, roupinhas para meninas e para meninos, em nossa loja temos variedades, promoções, preços baixos,
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Precisando de bolsa para bebe? Está no lugar certo! (11) 3435-8724

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