Anonymous Lawyer

There's been some news recently about Kate, a 19-year-old heading to law school at Northwestern.

Much of the reaction on the Internet has been negative -- she doesn't have any life experience, she's too young to be deciding she wants to be a lawyer, she'll find it difficult to make friends....

I say good for her, and we'll save a place for her here at the Firm (assuming, of course, we're hiring again by 2012, and that we've already let the classes of 2009-2011 have their start dates). Getting someone in here whose mother is still making her lunch and picking out her clothes means it's like we're getting a free secretary along with her. Hiring someone without previous work experience means she won't realize working 24 hours a day is unusual. And, she's close enough to an age where spanking is appropriate that it'll be much easier for us to throw office supplies at her without getting an earful in return.

It'll also be easier for senior associates to order her around, since they'll actually be older than her, in contrast to the usual awkwardness of having chronological peers as your boss. And since she probably won't have many friends, she'll be fine with working nights and weekends, and won't have any social obligations pulling on her.

The downside is that (at least as a summer associate) she won't be old enough to drink, which means she'll have to find a new vice to take the edge off. I recommend anti-depressants, but that's just me.

We'd go as young as we can find law school graduates. Want to come work here at 13, 14, 15? Great. Young people have energy. They're still optimistic about the world. They adjust to difficult circumstances. They like to please adults. They're not jaded. They don't care about making a difference in the world. They have good computer skills. They take orders. They don't eat as much. They don't need quite so much salary. Better health-- means lower health insurance premiums. They (usually) don't get pregnant. They're good at text-messaging. They (usually) don't have sex with clients.

There are no drawbacks I can think of. We'd even hire an eight-year-old if she could do the work. Which, of course, most eight-years-old can.

Welcome to the firm, Kate!