Thursday, September 03, 2009

 
Above The Law leaked a memo from Sheppard Mullin about problems in the firm's bathroom. Apparently a few weeks ago, someone urinated on the floor of the women's restroom. Today, "the perp struck again but this time the act was even more disgusting." They've got security cameras to narrow down the suspects.

Reminds me of a similar situation here that prompted a memo I thought I'd dig out of the archives.

FROM: Anonymous Law Firm
TO: All Associates
RE: Mandatory Urinary Catheterization

As many of you are aware, there has been a string of incidents this past week prompting attention from the managing partners. On Monday, we found what we believe was an associate's urine inside a Partners-Only toilet on the 18th floor. On Tuesday, we once again found associate's urine inside the same Partners-Only toilet, as well as evidence that three squares of toilet paper from the very same bathroom had been used without authorization. On Wednesday, we believe there were as many as three instances where associate urine was deposited into the Partners-Only toilet, and up to thirteen squares of toilet paper used. On Thursday, we received a report that there was not only associate urine but also associate feces in the Partners-Only toilet. We deployed a bowel-sniffing dog to match the odor in the bathroom with the odor of each associate, but were unable to find a match.

As we began our investigation, multiple associates made us aware that on the days in question, the Associate Outhouse on the 18th floor balcony was closed for repairs, and they offered the theory that some associates, rather than use the working outhouse on 26, decided to sneak into the Partners-Only bathroom instead.

While we understand the desire for convenient bathroom facilities, and the potential annoyance of walking up eight flights of stairs** to reach the alternate outhouse, this does not excuse the behavior in question. As you are all aware, bathrooms are a privilege not a right.

Thus, while we continue the investigation, we will be issuing mandatory catheters to all associates and closing the 26th floor outhouse until further notice. We have also installed scanners at the door of each Partners-Only facility. You will need to place your genitalia on the scanner before entering the stall. If the scanner recognizes your genitalia as belonging to a partner, the door will unlock and you will permitted access. If the scanner does not recognize your genitalia, it will trap you in position and an alarm will sound. Security agents will be automatically summoned to the restroom and you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Thank you for your cooperation.

**The associate elevator is still under repair. We expect it will be another 8-12 weeks before it is operational. In the meantime, we ask that you walk up and down the stairs in silence and single-file to avoid creating unnecessary interruptions.

Comments:
The image of the lucky partners using a genital scanner is priceless... which lucky associate will have the daily job of cleaning the scanner???
 
I suppose partners, given the extremely small size of their genitalia, are pretty easy to recognize.
 
Smart me! I made a cast of Anonymous Lawyer's genitalia last time he sought my services as a pantyboy domme--all I need to do is make a flesh-like dildo!
anonymouscontractlawyer
 
Here is a great chance to drive a large number of visitors to your blogs and websites for free.

Submit your websites, blogs, videos to http://www.zillionsb.com and get 1000s of targeted visitors everyday for free. It also helps your websites/blogs gain valuable backlinks.

Let the other bloggers cast their votes to push your posts up for a greater visibility. Enjoy a free, huge traffic to your sites.

Thanks

Sara
http://www.zillionsb.com
 
@ Shallu


ouch.. ads here? you must place your ads not in comments section..
 
This is one of the funniest posts I've ever read.
 
You need to write more. I check this blog everyday and I'm always so sad when there's no new post. :(
 
Hello,

for bespoke suits and shirts please visit Euro Tailors.

kennysurtani@gmail.com
www.eurotailors.com
 
http://www.nvinc.com
 
no new updates today?
 
Golly, Anonymous Lawyer, you're the best!
 
Professional web psdtemplates,flash templates easy to download at itemplatez.com .
 
No update yet?
 
great job with the post, made my day. keep it up!
 
@Anonymous

maybe you're right.
 
They are also trying to implement a similar system where I work except a alot of the associates ended up making a mess all over the stairway.

We decided to simply ignore their biological need to pee. Afterall, they don't need sleep, why should they need to pee?
 
This is unbelievable...... people are to much.. the scanner must be sad...
 
My fellow associate asked me, "how do the women partners scan their genetalia" to which I responded, "hey dumb-ass, there are no women partners." Problem solved.
 
LOL!

Paz
 
Oscar Wilde has nothing on you.
 
I think that partners are given the extremely small size of their genitalia, then they are easy to be recognized.



Rosalinda
Tampa Attorneys
 
Here is a couple of dui attorneys i found on the web.
 
Welcome to Bay Area Attorneys We are your free directory of San Francisco Bay Area lawyers who provide free or paid consultations to local residents in need of legal advice or services. If you have a legal question, or in need of legal advice on any subject then let us become your number #1 online source for legal help in the Bay Area.
 
Welcome to San Jose Lawyers We are your free directory of San Francisco Bay Area lawyers who provide free or paid consultations to local residents in need of legal advice or services. If you have a legal question, or in need of legal advice on any subject then let us become your number #1 online source for legal help in the Bay Area.
 
The alarm system is very good. It is very safe and secured.The only drawback is the maintenance of these alarms.Thus the alarm repair companies address and details should be updated and their services should be prompt.
 
Bay Area Lawyers offers an extremely easy, effective, and affordable way for attorneys to advertise on the Internet.
As an attorney, you realize the importance of promoting your practice.
People are using the Internet to search for and find the right lawyer every day of the week, all across the country.
Bay Area Lawyers specializes in bringing these individuals to attorneys - like you.
We provide you with an affordable Web site and drive future clients to your site, through our Attorney Directory
 
I didn't think partners went to the bathroom, bit like the queen of England.
 
Good review, thanks for the information
 
sneakers shoes
Nike Tn
he was interrupted,
discount nike shoes
nike shox r4
tn dollar
He replied, "Yes......you are right! I haven't been looking for anyone for the past years."
With that, the man darted across the floor and out the door,
cheap nike shoes
All along he has found his girl.
nike tennis shoes That was why he did not bother to look further when he realized she was not coming back. It was not any specific girl he was seeking!
cheap nike shoxIt was perfection that he wanted, and yes.....perfection!!
Relationship is something both parties should work on. Realizing that he had let away someone so important in his life, he decided to call her immediately. His whole mind was flooded with fear.
free shipping shoes He was afraid that she might have found someone new or no longer had the same feelings anymore..... For once,
Paypal Credit card Accepthe felt the fear of losing someone.
nike shoes
nike discount shoes
,cheap puma shoes
nike shox shoes
chaussures nikeHow he damned the Gods...!!
nike free shoes How he hated himself....for taking so long to realize his mistake!! That was in 1996.
buy shoes onlineYou may painfully regret, only to realise that it is too late.
 
You material are nice. This is very knowledgeable to me.
 
oh..its very bad

lawyers
 
clean up on aisle five please...


Wireless Credit Card Processing
 
what would we do without security cameras?

law software | attorney software
law firm logos
 
So we missed bra the deadline, our clients received a default judgment be a tutor against them, and Gift Gifts Presents Job Jobs I had to come up with a phony excuse about how we did everything schiesser we could but the evidence just wasn't on our side. They paid the bill, so no harm no underwear foul, but it taught me to never put secretaries in charge of anything, ever again.
 
This is a bit funny to read. The people hired should be that professional enough to know about the rules and procedures in a business setting. It is kinda weird to know about those security measures being implemented.
 
It is very disgusting to know that some wasn't able to follow simple rules. Well, cleanliness should be maintained. Afterall, health is important. Nice post you have here. Looking forward for updates.
 
Wow, this is pretty crazy. Guess you should be careful what you say (or leak). I've been using openEMR the last little while and it's made life so much easier for me. It makes work so much better for everybody. I can even get into the system on vacation if I need to.
 
www.walteranderocci.com
 
Walter Anderocci
 
its nice to read a useful article for beginner like me. Some of points from this article are very helpful for me as I haven’t considered them yet. I would like to say thank you for sharing this cool article. Bookmarked and sharing for friends.

Volvo S60 Turbocharger
 
I am so astonished on this article, it is so knowledgeable to read. Thank you for sharing.

Large Wall Fountains
 
Thanks for sharing such a nice information with us .
Stock Market Analysis
 
thanks for exciting blog post! I really liked reading it, you are a good writer.
 
This comment has been removed by the author.
 
Good article, thanks for sharing, cheap moncler is highly recommended.
 
Never heard of this before but the concept really amazed me.Thanks for sharing such interesting post!
family lawyer st petersburg
 
I like this post, because I think writing really good, Christian Louboutin will continue to pay attention to it, simply great.
 
The image of the lucky partners using a genitalCoach Bags Outlet scanner is priceless.
 
It must really suck to be the unfortunate sap whose "credentials" were not recognized...
 
halo imadam i like your blogPrediksi Togel Rabu
 
I like itFoto Bugil Luna Maya
 
Halo im Silvia ..i like your blog
Prediksi Togel |
Ramalan Togel |
Angka Jitu |
Rumus Jitu |
Predisi 5 |
Dukun Togel |
 
This can be a wonderful day visiting your blog. greetings
Foto Bugil 1 |
Foto Bugil 2 |
Foto Bugil 3 |
Foto Bugil 4 |
Foto Bugil 5 |
Foto Bugil 6 |
 
A criminal defense lawyer is a lawyer specializing in the defense of individuals and companies charged with criminal conduct. Criminal defense lawyers can be permanently employed by the various jurisdictions with criminal courts. Such lawyers are often caender]]s. For a much more extensive discussion of criminal defense, see public defender.
 
The educational prerequisites to becoming a lawyer vary greatly from country to country. In some countries, law is taught by a faculty of law, which is a department of a university's general undergraduate college.Law students in those countries pursue a Master or Bachelor of Laws degree. In some countries it is common or even required for students to earn another bachelor's degree at the same time.
 
Law is a subject that better define life as it represents the actual definitions starting from life to death as per the constituency. so thank you very much for showing me the right path.
 
I dispatched your articles links to all my contacts and they all mate it including me.
Yaz Blood Clots
 
It will not succeed in actual fact, that is what I think.
 
This is a bit funny to read. The people hired should be that professional enough to know about the rules and procedures in a business setting. It is kinda weird to know about those security measures being implemented.
Dui Attorney Philadelphia
 
If you have been injured in an accident or from some dangerous situation that required medical attention, you should seriously consider hiring a personal injury attorney to represent you and your interests in order to secure the best possible outcome.
 
Our personal injury and employment lawyers in California provide you with comprehensive detailed case evaluation and clients can pay us only after we win.San Francisco injury lawyer.
 
I visit every day a few blogs and blogs to read articles or
reviews, however this webpage offers feature based posts.
My web site - nfl jerseys wholesale
 
I know this if off topic but I'm looking into starting my own blog and was curious what all is required to get setup? I'm assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?
I'm not very web savvy so I'm not 100% positive. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks
Feel free to surf my page cheap christian louboutins sale
 
I absolutely love your blog.. Excellent colors & theme.
Did you create this web site yourself? Please reply back
as I'm planning to create my very own website and want to know where you got this from or what the theme is named. Many thanks!
Feel free to surf my blog post : cheap wholesale jerseys
 
You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to
be actually something that I think I would never understand.
It seems too complex and very broad for me. I'm looking forward for your next post, I'll try to get
the hang of it!

My page: cheap air max shoes
Also see my web site > nike air max 2013
 
'Many people do consider it wise of changing their behavior. Therefore, get most useful value for a money by shopping for designer replica purses. Companies offering these rv's can also offer emergency
coach hire as per your preferences. Plenty managers make improper assumptions about guiding.
http://www.coachtsuuhan.com/
 
I'm not much of convinced I possess gotten the comparable benefits if I actually hadn't worked
along with a coach. They work intently with you suggests of face-to-face, telephone, e-mail etc.
Are familiar with he's the same child you've really enjoyed since birth.
AMD Ourite Set Central application unit 1.3GHz (1MB
Cache). http://www.kochininki.com/
 
You never fail to deliver valuable information to us. Thanks a lot. It's really appreciated.

regards,
russel of Best Alaska Trips
 
さらにこれらの素晴らしいバッグは非常に良い原因をサポート

My web page; バーバリー レディース
 
偽物やオリジナルのような利用可能な市場におけるすべての製品

Also visit my web site - バーバリー ネクタイ
 
最近では贅沢な傾向は高級デザイナーハンドバッグ高級財布から世界で急速に増加している

Feel free to surf to my blog post; ポロシャツ バーバリー
 
This shipment whole process can be tracked on online linking.
US Tour player Becky Morgan and European Look golfer, Jackie Kebbell wear Moose Golf Clothing.
utilized store data in an iPod just like several other storing process.
There is a reason why a lot of of these humor tees are seen
in movies nowadays. http://kmi-web05.open.ac.uk:81/cgi-bin/moin.
cgi/KarinQWD

my web blog ... air max 1 nike
 
元デザイナーハンドバッグの品質は複製されたいずれかで正確に一致することはできません

Also visit my website: メガネ バーバリー
 
その他の機能としてはダブルスナップ留め外側スリップポケットフラップポケットの下に携帯電話のポケット内側スリップおよび保護コーティングキャンバスの革​​から作られてを含む

Also visit my website :: コート レディース バーバリー
 
男性用バーバリーアクセサリーのコレクションから別の優れた選択肢はバーバリーのカシミアマフラーです。

Also visit my blog post; バーバリー コート
 
それはあなたの魅力的な個性を与えるために偉大な魅力的なデザインで来る

Feel free to surf to my web site; バーバリー ポロシャツ
 
This is the pretty trustworthy easy way to obtain a great deal.
Linda Jane?s are plus in look, will be the tint orange and the lustrous transparent
look. You can key once a day, every day together
with win multiple days to weeks. The older models have a real
magnesium-aluminum casing. http://www.cress-am.org.br/node/46633
 
。ショールカラータキシードが広い肩
や背の高い男性と男性
のための優れた選
択肢です。同様に短い身長である
筋肉の男性の
ためだけでなく
ショールタキシード作品のス
タイル。ジャ
ケットのシングルボタンスタイルは胴体が長くなる
ように見えるのに役立ち
ますし、外観は
、ずんぐりした
男性が薄く見えるのに役立ちます。ショール
タキシードを注
文時に右の適合を得るこ
とが重要である。発
注のための測定と
サイズチャートを服用については、当
社の測定情報のセクションを読む

my page ... コーチ アウトレット
 
夜の靴はもはやポンプに限定され
ていません;干潟
はまたあなたに多くの優雅さと魅
力を提供することができます

Stop by my page ... miumiu バッグ
 
あなたはどこへ行く結局のところ、これらの
バッグは、あなたが正しい服装や正しい
姿勢でそれらを組み合わせた
ときに頭を回すか

my page; シャネル アリュール
 
香水は、何よりも他のより良い方法であなたの気分を持
ち上げることが
できる

Stop by my site ... シャネル
 
あなたの指先のスタイルで
あなたの自由なフ
ァッションのニュー
スのすべてについて

Check out my web-site - シャネル 新作
 
真実では、シャネルは、それが一度にあなたのワードローブには派
手と驚くほど作ること
ができ、より
多くの何であるか、それはあなたのMSL構造と外観を
挿入することができるような偉大なブラ
ンドです。

Stop by my website ... chanel
 
シャネルのソリ
ューションは、非常によく知
られており、そ
れは誰もが彼
らのために支払うことができることを目的に
かなっている

Here is my homepage: シャネル 財布
 
シャネルのソリューシ
ョンは、非常に
よく知られており、そ
れは誰もが彼らのために
支払うことができる
ことを目的にかなってい


my web blog ... シャネル 財布
 
。And.Juicyクチュールハンドバッグは、主に月
個人保険と裁判官を設定多くのユーザーのためにすべての会話の形や大
きさのために脱いでプログラムを扱い
ます年齢

Also visit my web page :: コーチ メンズ
 
。女性のハンドバッグの異なる
ブランドの利用が難しい人は、
女性のハンドバッグのブラン
ドそれを選択するために作られている最
高の自分の要件に合
うことができま
す。世界に一つだけの女性
のハンドバッグは
、別の機会に女性が別の袋を運ぶ、好
きなものを女性を
満足することはで
きません

my blog post gucci 財布
 
ただし、偽の品質の製品を識
別する方法を
知っています

Look at my homepage :: シャネル
 
オフノック製品のメー
カーは、彼らの違法行為を正当化するために、引数のす
べての種類を出


My page シャネル トート
 
ボトルはどのような方法
で曇っていない、明確で
スムーズでなければなりません

Have a look at my site - chanel
 
シャネルのソリューションは、非常によく
知られており
、それは誰もが彼らのために支払
うことができること
を目的にかなっている

Also visit my web blog; シャネル ウォレット
 
You could certainly see your enthusiasm in the work you write.
The arena hopes for more passionate writers such as you who aren't afraid to mention how they believe. Always follow your heart.

Also visit my web-site: michael kors womens watches
 
In fact occasion worth to pick the luxury handbag. Captain's Chairs are usually designed for standard console or flybridge use. There are non-designer brands in the very market which acknowledged for quality. Make emcees work as quick as available. http://chitte.rs/conradgal/all

my blog ... エピ ヴィトン
 
あなたがポル
ノブロッカーすべてのあ
なたの家族のメン
バーシステムだけでなく、彼
らはそれらのす
べてがすべて想像ほぼすべて
のインターネットブラウザ経由でポルノであるカットオフ
することができ、特定のを作りたい

my page ... シャネル
 
多くの靴の色は多分グレーや黒を除いて茶色の色と一緒に行く

my web page; バッグ バーバリー
 
I have heard that surrey lawyers are some of the best ones you can get. Can someone confirm this? Have any of you used a lawyer from surrey?
 
I was able to find good advice from your content.

Also visit my site; nike free run womens
 
When you really need to retain information, make rhymes along with it.
I've felt given which 1980 that I have a duty to see individuals the a number of aspect. Eating your personalised organic veggies may be a lot more balanced for you yourself. Training such things as baiting these sharp claws and tying knot. http://www.vavoom-engine.com/wiki/index.php?title=User:AudreaRTZ
 
You will turn out to be injured simply as a the reckless take action of
your semi-truck operator. We also see some new styles are
evolved for the monogram canvas combination of.
http://media.denhaag.nl/eparticipatie/wiki/index.
php?title=How_Can_You_Notice_A_Fake_Louis_Vuitton_Handbag
 
And capably come with five pairs of trousers, price $599,00.
So you'd more attractive keep the report on questions short: 10 or 15 questions are already plenty. As the saying goes, avian species of the specific same feather flock together. that must canrrrt you create been unionized giving labor. http://akijan.sakura.ne.jp/scripts/aska/aska.cgi
 
Available Soon: Visit the site on April 29th for a
live celebration of the Royal Wedding. Studded belts are tremendous popular all in the
vicinity of the UK. Clean so well kept nodes give the wellness club a new,
regulation look. Primo is located on Route 26
and County Route forty seven in this Jefferson County community.
http://studio-yuugi.sakura.ne.jp/nemoto/cgi-bin/bbs1/aska/%5Dglucotrol/%2BResult:%2Bchosen%2Bnickname%2B%22ifgnifixqp%22;%2Bsuccess;%2BBB-code%2Bnot%2Bworking;/%3Cbr
 
Do not talk in a definite hurried manner and for rudely to a customer.

If you have any impression that there isn't a is not main notch, then end up elsewhere. The correct satisfy will be due to the fact the jacket is almost certainly pulled over the shoulders. Be careful though, many do not permit liveaboard moorers. http://papaco.org/infoforum/profile.php?id=8794

Also visit my weblog :: men's
balenciaga shoes

 
Do basic ingredients to organise training program
for your your workforce? Or mayhap that few A bunch of states
Charter Schools buy unionized labor linked with any kind?
So does almost everything living and yoga breathing in
the woods. In today's world trends in fashion not only provide women to look for their best. http://demo.trrackedaddons.com/index.php?do=/profile-84740/info/
 
Both men and women wore frayed bell-bottomed jeans, tie-dyed shirts,
workshirts, and headbands. Do you know the objectives of your survey?
Unusual shapes include; honeybees, discomfort tablets, petals plus teapots.
It can more or less be defined as an oxymoron of designs.
http://www.ktmet.com/wiki/index.php?title=Usuario:
ElizaLand
 
I'm looking for a good lawyer in Mississauga. Let me know.
 
Thanks for this It's really helped. I've been looking for a Whitehorse lawyers. It would be great if you could recommend someone.
 
Thanks for the post. I was wondering though, do you happen to have any tips on what to look for in good lawyers in Fort Myers? Please let me know, thanks.
 
I have been trying to find a lawyer. Is there a suggestion?
 
For you to be an israel lawyer, you need to be licensed. Licensing is a four step process that includes: sitting for a Hebrew proficiency exam, law of Israel exams, Israel bar exams, and completing a one year legal internship. Although, these are the processes involved when you are an Israeli local, there are exemptions. For example when you are a foreigner and you have over two years of foreign experience as a lawyer, you are allowed to go ahead with your one year internship after passing the Hebrew proficiency exam. If you are a foreigner and you want to practice law in Israeli, you need to be proficient in Hebrew as it’s the main language of communication.
 
Halo im Silvia ..i like your blog Thanks very possible, please visit my
humble blog

 
I suppose partners, given the extremely small size of their genitalia, are pretty easy to recognize.
 
I have been really impressed by going through this awesome blog. ny criminal defense lawyer

 
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?